Dear That Kid That Asks "How long does it have to be?"

Photo by: hobvias sudoneighm

This timeless question is the bane of every English teacher's existence. After hearing this oft-asked query, I sometimes just glance over to The Smart Kid (whomever the class has decided that is) and share a

dejected, conspiratorial smile. Sometimes I throw out a simple answer: "Three to five sentences" or "Five paragraphs" which yields either three, simple sentences or five meager, disinterested paragraphs. Often I try a more Zen approach: "As long as it needs to be". It makes me feel clever as I am saying it, but when I receive the finished piece and realize my idea of what an essay needs to be vastly differs from the teen human's idea, I realize I have failed to answer the question.

So, how do you answer it? Not, much to the chagrin of my math/science types, with a formula or number. The true, frustrating answer is: it depends. What is your purpose for writing? To inform? To entertain? To complain? All of these aims may require a different length for the proper response. To further confuse the issue, it depends on the writer as well. Hemingway said a great deal with a few carefully selected words; Bill Simmons takes 600 words just to get warmed up. 

Unlike Hemingway and Simmons, I am not doing a great job of explaining myself. Let me put it into three, easy steps:  

1. Have a goal clearly in mind. A goal for your writing gives you an idea of length. Am I just trying to describe why Scout was angry at Dill? That might require a few sentences. Am I attempting to explain the deeper meaning of the final scene of "The Scarlet Ibis"? That could take a full essay to get to the bottom of. Let the function dictate the form.                                                     
2. Think of your reader. After you have written something, read it over. Will it make sense to your buddy Will? If your mom reads it, will she be ashamed? If your teacher grades it, will they be lost in a sea of meaningless sentences and lost connections, or will your meaning be clear and exact?                                                                   
3. Know your forum. Where your writing is going to end up is important as well. Is this a reading guide with some relatively simple questions to help you understand what you are reading? Are you writing a forum  post that only your teacher and classmates will see? Are you writing a blog post that the world (theoretically) may see? All of these may demand different lengths and styles for your response. 

In the end, the clever answer ends up being true. The trick is learning to figure out how long "as long as it needs to be" is. The best way to do that? Keep on writing. If all else fails, ask The Smart Kid. She knows.